12 Jul Finding That Spark
a small fiery particle thrown off from a fire, alight in ashes, or produced by striking together two hard surfaces such as stone or metal.
a trace of a specified quality or intense feeling.“a tiny spark of anger flared within her”
We all go through a lot of different stages in our lives where we may find the spark and sometimes the spark finds us. Whether it’s a spark for your career, love, friendship, life- the feeling of having it is motivating and it helps gives us a sense of hope and drive.
Sometimes…we lose that spark whether it be in our jobs, our relationships, our goals. Everyone at one point or another experiences it in their own ways. For the past couple of months I felt like I lost the spark I once had for working out, I think the last time I was in a good rhythm was when I went to Orlando to try out for the WWE in February. It’s been a very blessed year with opportunities that I am forever grateful for, however in the back of my mind every day I am still working on living life without my Mom. It’s a constant battle every day to be honest. People who have lost a parent know that some days are better than others, it’s really a day by day thing. I try to stay as positive as I can and for the most part I am happy but there’s still that lingering feeling and thoughts in the back of my mind all the time wishing she was still here. A part of me is trying to find that balance of making time for myself in the gym without being completely submerged in it like I once was. When I was competing my life literally was just the gym. I felt and still feel guilt for not making time for my Mom, family and friends- I just didn’t know what having balance was.
I have worked out here and there, twice a week if that. I have been mentally checked out from working out for months now, it just hasn’t felt the same. When my boyfriend was in town he would encourage me to go and I would go with him but I still didn’t feel it yet. I already knew that I needed to want it for me, I needed to shake that feeling, I needed to get my mind right…on my own time. I honestly don’t know what it was but last week I told him that I wanted to get a new gym membership, we then went and signed up. This past Friday I took myself and finally had my first mentally solid workout after four months and it seriously felt so good- to feel that I’m doing it because I want to and not because I have to. It didn’t feel like a chore or a drag, it felt like old times..it felt satisfying. I felt like myself again in the gym…I found the spark again. Some of you may ask, “So how did you find the spark?” I honestly can’t even tell you exactly how. Maybe it was all the time that passed, maybe I was ready to come back, maybe this, maybe that, maybe it was an accumulation of a lot of things. At the end of it all, I am simply thankful I found it again and I will work on keeping the spark in my life.
If anyone is feeling like they lost the spark in their life for certain things, just know that you are not alone- it happens. We are all human and things do not go perfectly because life is not meant to be perfect. You will have ups and downs, you will have great days and there will be days where you feel like everything is going wrong. Just remember that you have to keep going and take things one day at a time. Focus on yourself and do what is best for you because honestly no one can truly take care of you but you.
Sparks may come and go but don’t ever forget that you can always reignite it– the spark lives within you.