30 Aug Past Memories
Some may say that the past is the past but for me- the past is never just the past. Personally for me my past will always play a vital key in my present and in my future. I believe that everything that we go through in our lifetime correlates with one another and they will be forever intertwined: past, present and future.
This past Saturday my brother and I were at IKEA, as we were walking through the aisle I spotted a familiar face- there he was..my Mom’s primary doctor. He recognized me as well as I came up to him with a smile and gave him a hug. The last time that I had seen him was last year in the hospital the day my Mom passed away; however that was not the memory that initially came up when I saw him. When I saw him the first memory that came into my mind was the evening of February 17th when he told my Dad, brother and I that my Mom would have two weeks at the minimum and six months at most to live. Writing this past sentence has my eyes filled with tears as I recall that evening. Can you imagine having a doctor tell you that your Mom has two weeks to six months left to live? That evening I felt like my world came crumbling down, I didn’t want to believe it and my Dad told me not to..he kept telling us that my Mom would pull through like she always did. Little did we know that she would pass shortly a day and few hours left. You and I honestly do not know when our last day will be- my Mom’s passing justified that for me. I kissed her and told her I loved her the evening of February 18th as I went home, the following morning she passed at 8:15am. Hearing my Dad’s cellphone go off that early in the morning..my gut wrenched and shortly after he came into my room and said “Mom passed away..Mom is gone.”
As I sit here tearing up as I write this post, I repeat what I said at the beginning of this post..the past is never just the past. If it were the case, I wouldn’t be hurting right now. But with this pain I constantly remind myself that this pain has made me become a better person in the present and this pain will keep me going to create and live a better future.
Seeing my Mom’s doctor brought up past memories that are heavy on my heart but at the same time it felt nice to see him again because through painful memories, I remember the positive memories of him and the nurses striving to help my Mom get better. I have kept the visitor’s sticker since my last visit to my Mom, it is a constant reminder to me to make the most of my days and to make time for my loved ones because I’ll never know when the last time will be. I hope those of you who have taken the time to read my post can take something away from this. I know that we all get so busy with our lives and we are focused on our work, etc but please remember that work will always be there– our loved ones will not. Do not take your loved ones especially your parents fore-granted, life is precious ..their time and our time is limited.
Forever missing you Mom and praying that you are in Heaven living in peace, health and happiness. I love you and cannot wait to see you again in the afterlife.