09 Oct Circle of life
I had an epiphany a few months ago about my parents, myself and my life. Every day since that moment it has been constantly on my mind and it makes me feel incredibly close to them especially my Mom although she is no longer here physically.
Those who know me know that I love birthdays, it’s a new year of life. It seems as though I am aging quicker and quicker these days because I could have sworn I just turned 21 last year. Next month I am turning 28. Yes. The big 2-8. Two years closer to 30. Where did the time go? As I began to think about the age I am turning, I begin to think about my parents and this came to me. I am about to turn 28, which is the age my Dad was when I was born. Then I thought about the age that my Mom had me which was 26, then I thought about the age I was when she passed…I was 26. Coincidence? I think not. I think that there is a reason why everything in my life has panned out the way that it has. My Mom had me when she was 26 and she passed when I was 26. As I have mentioned before, my Mom’s passing changed my life forever. It feels like my Mom’s passing gave me life again because prior to her passing it felt like I haven’t been living my life the way I truly wanted- I was merely existing and trying to live a pre-planned picture perfect life. As rough as it has been since she’s been gone, I feel that I have gained a much greater appreciation for life and understand the importance of family, friends and life in general. Before she passed I was so busy working and let it consume my life, I placed status and materialistic possessions as being successful. Present day my greatest success is my mental and spiritual happiness and being able to live a fulfilled life with my loved ones.
My 27th birthday was one that I was not looking forward to, it was my first birthday without my Mom. The entire year of 2015 I felt as if I held in my feelings because I didn’t know how to be anything except strong. However holding in my feelings was killing me inside and eventually I felt drained and lifeless. I brought in my birthday with my family and friends, as soon as the clock struck midnight and they began to sing happy birthday I felt a surge of emotions rush through me and I cried. Birthdays are supposed to be happy but this birthday as much as I was happy being around my family and friends I couldn’t help but miss and wish my Mom was still around. 27 has been a very interesting year, I made a lot of changes for myself and have been working very hard on being genuinely happy again on the inside.
As I am about to enter my 28th year of my life, I think of my parents and think about how thankful I am to have two amazing parents who gave me life and did their absolute best to love and care for me. I cannot imagine having kids right now and I honestly appreciate everything my parents have done for me even more now that I am getting to be the age that they had me. I cannot imagine being 26 and 28, leaving my country to come to the United States with two children and not knowing the language, having only $60 in my pockets. As I get older now and have become more aware, I realize that a lot of the things that I stress about do not compare at all to the struggles that my parents have gone through. I can only pray that I become half the people that my parents are, I honestly wouldn’t be the person that I am today if it weren’t for them.
I must have had this run through my mind countless times now- how my Mom had me at 26 and she passed when I was 26 and that I am about to turn 28, the age my Dad had me. This goes to show me how connected we are to our parents and that the circle of life does exist. This journey of life has been filled with so many ups and downs but that is the true beauty that is life. If life was perfect and everything happened the way that we wanted, I doubt it would be as fulfilling. I have always been in touch with my spirituality growing up and have kept my faith besides me, now more than ever I know that there is something greater than us all.
Mom and Dad, I love you both more than words could ever express. Thank you both for all that you have done for Matt and I, we are so lucky to have such hard working, loving and supportive parents. You’ve given us life and your lives will always continue on through us.