21 Nov Goodbye 27
It’s 12:07am November 21st, 2016 as I begin writing this post. It’s officially here, my last day at age 27. As I just typed that, my head started spinning and I honestly cannot believe that I am about to turn 28. I feel like it was just yesterday that I turned 21 and with a blink of an eye seven years has gone by. Time really doesn’t stop, aging is inevitable and death is the only thing in our lives that is promised. Truthfully I never thought much about death until my Mom passed away but I find myself thinking about it often. When I say that death is the only thing in life that is promised, I mean it. We have to work for everything in our lives..except death. Some may be afraid of dying but I am not and the reason is that I know it’s going to happen when it’s meant to. Those who know me personally know that I have a strong belief in faith, in a higher being and that I believe our lives are already predestined. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason, to teach us lessons and even through the darkest of times we must believe that there is a blessing in it. Losing my Mom is the hardest lesson I have ever gone through but I have learned so much about her and about myself along the way. I wouldn’t be the person that I am today if it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t be where I am at right now if it wasn’t for her and as much as it hurt every day that she has left- I know that the pain is meant for me to grow stronger and to be a better person in this lifetime.
I had just turned 26 when my Mom passed away and that year I felt as if I was on auto-pilot, simply going through the motions of how I knew to be. I wasn’t happy in a lot of aspects of my life and grew unhappy, I developed anxiety which took over me at times but I kept going as if everything was okay. That was one of the biggest mistakes I made that year, keeping everything in and
not being honest with myself and my feelings. I did a lot of things that I thought I should do instead of doing what I needed to do for myself. I knew that going into 27 I couldn’t make that mistake again..and I wouldn’t. After my 27th birthday I began to take control of my feelings and life again, the first thing I knew I needed to do was to quit my office job and go back to pursuing my goals and my vision for my future. Juggling both working for LVFT and my personal training business on top of mourning my Mom’s passing was beyond overwhelming in 2015. I felt like a robot most times and often questioned myself if I was happy but before I could answer myself I would stop and tell myself I shouldn’t even question it because here I was “living the dream”. There were so many changes going on within me as well as the fitness industry/my job, I can’t even count how many times I had anxiety attacks due to feeling overwhelmed and stressed out. A lot of my anxiety was due to the fact that I never truly got a mental break/disconnect so that I could process and take in my feelings and emotions. I was always on the go, work work work. Even when I was in Vietnam I felt the stress of having to catch up when I got back. I really think the breaking point for me was at Olympia when one of my coworkers told me I was crying and questioning if working for a company was what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. We had gone to the day club prior, obviously I don’t remember crying and saying things but as the phrase goes, “drunk words speaks sober thoughts.” Truth is, I did worry about my future and what I wanted to do for the rest of my life because during that time I began questioning everything and I began to see what I really wanted out of life and what genuinely was important to me.
I craved independence and being my own person with my vision- how I originally set out to be when I quit my mortgage job back in 2013. I knew that whatever I was going to do, I had to do it wholeheartedly and with passion because time is going to keep passing me by. I felt that I had accomplished a good amount of things at 26 but there was so much more that I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to take more risks- do anything and everything that my heart desired, if my Mom’s passing taught me anything it’s to live while I am still able..truly live and not just go through the motion. Refocusing on myself, building my name and brand has been a great learning experience this year because I finally was able to give it my all. From trying out for the WWE to collaborating with companies such as Foodbeast, Passion Planner, Finishline and Lorna Jane, it felt amazing to know that they wanted to work with me because of me. This past year, I explored many different opportunities because I wanted to take in everything that life had to offer. As much as I love fitness, there is much more to me than that and through launching my website I have been able to share with you all my deepest thoughts and feelings. I want everyone to know that anything is possible if you truly believe in yourself, that you don’t need to confine yourself to anyone’s standards or expectations. If I can go from a corporate desk job to being unemployed to Miss Vietnam SoCal to becoming a personal trainer and bikini competitor to trying out for the WWE- I promise you that YOU can do ANYTHING that you ever thought and dreamt of. Even if it sounds crazy to you, go for it! I tell people all the time that I’m no one special and it’s true. I’m simply a woman who believed in herself and worked for what she wanted. Those who have been following my journey these past years know that things have never been perfect and honestly if I could go back I wouldn’t change a single thing because everything that has happened led me to where I am at right now..where I am meant to be.
There were low points of age 27 as well as high points, the highest point of all at this age was..me falling in love. Even before we met, I knew that this man was my soulmate. I just knew and I honestly couldn’t be happier and more thankful to have him in my life. What we have is what I always wanted in a relationship and although we are long distance, I have never felt closer to anyone in my entire life. I really think that the Lord is testing me because here JP is, the man of my dreams…yet he’s hundreds of miles away. I guess if it was so easy, it wouldn’t be worth it right? Life honestly works in such mysterious ways because we both were not looking for a relationship but somehow we started talking and now I can’t possibly imagine my life without him. It’s true that when you’re least looking for love, love finds you. I can genuinely say that I now know what true love feels like and I wouldn’t trade this feeling or him for anything in the world. I get butterflies when I think about him and every time he tells me he loves me, I know that he means it. I’ve just…never felt so loved and beautiful in my life. I’m a hopeless romantic to be quite honest and I do want the happily ever after. I don’t believe in the “honeymoon phase” because I believe that true love always shows when it’s the right person and that if you truly love someone, you will always do your best to make them happy. I can write you an endless novel about him but I’ll leave it here with…when you know, you know. He’s the one and I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life. I love you John Patrick Parker Guzman.<3
27 has been a year of trials and tribulations to say the least, I honestly can’t say that it was a bad year nor a good year but what I can say is that it was a year of self discovery and self acceptance. Life isn’t perfect and I’ve reached a point in my existence where I know I don’t need to pretend it is or try and make it perfect. I am no where close to where I thought I would be at 28 but I have faith that I am exactly where I need to be. There’s a quote that I read a few years back that said “you can have everything but not at one time”, it didn’t make sense to me then but it is so clear to me now. I am at a much better place mentally, emotionally and spiritually this year as my birthday approaches which I know would make my Mom happy because that’s what she always wanted for my brother and I. I’ve been telling myself that 28 will be great and I know that if I keep going, keep loving, keep working hard, keep believing in my faith..that it will.
Here’s to 28..
Xo, Anne Phung