17 Feb Keeping Faith
Often times people ask me how I am always so happy and positive, to be honest I haven’t always been this way. I used to struggle a lot with being genuinely happy and by genuinely happy I mean by being happy off of social media. When posting, it’s easy to make things seem picture perfect on the outside when really beneath the surface someone’s world can be crashing down. I learned through these past two years that it’s okay to not be okay and that it’s better to be in touch with my feelings in real life and on my social media life. The two for me are now in sync, what you see is what you really get.
One thing that I can honestly say that keeps me going each and every day is my Faith. Faith is the reason why I can get up out of bed every day and be able to smile even though my Mom is not around. Faith is the reason why I continue to pursue my passion of fitness and to help as many people as I can through my own fitness journey and life. Faith is the reason why I can look at my struggles and know that there is a lesson behind it. Faith is the reason why I believe everything in my life happens for a reason. Ever since I could remember, I have believed in a higher being- that there was something out there greater than us. My family is Buddhist and I believe in Buddha, I also believe in God and have attended church. Personally I believe that there is one greater being that watches over us all and that we choose to name Him in our own personal preference. I love learning about other people’s beliefs and religion, I think that it is a beautiful thing to embrace other’s beliefs- for that is the only way we will stand united together. Through my darkest times I have turned to Faith to keep me going, there were times where I didn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel but I had to remind myself that if I kept believing, the hardships will pass and I will see the light.
This Sunday will be February 19th, 2017. This date will mark my Mom’s two year anniversary of her passing. Two years. 24 months. 730 days. When my Mom first passed I felt a huge hole in my heart and in my life, I still do but time and Faith has made the hole smaller. I don’t think I will ever be completely okay with her not being here but I have learned to live for her and for me- I know that’s what she would want. There are times when I think about my future- me getting married and having kids, I honestly get heartbroken about it because I know that my Mom won’t be here but that’s when I turn to my Faith and I remember that I cannot be selfish and wish for her to be there for me when she deserves to be at peace. I know that she will be there in spirit on my special days as she is with me every day. That shift in my mindset has taken time to do but it has gotten me through some of my darkest days. Being positive isn’t easy especially when dealing with death but when I stopped thinking of myself and what I needed, when I stopped being selfish and wanted her here for me- I was able to shift my mind to her and to think of what’s best for her.
I am still a work in progress every day and I am learning to be more accountable for myself, my thoughts and my actions. At 28 I can honestly say that I do not have it all together and it’s perfectly okay. There isn’t a set age where one needs to be all together in my opinion, the only thing that has driven us to think certain ways is society and what other’s think should be ideal. As I am wrapping up my thoughts on this post, I must say that it feels so good to write. Writing is one of my favorite outlets, it is truly therapeutic to me. I appreciate everyone’s comments and love on the photo of my Mama and I on Valentine’s Day 2015. You all allow me to share my life with you and through social media I have been able to connect with those who have also lost their Moms. Thank you all for opening up with me.
Faith. It may be just five letters but the impact that it has on my life is monumental. So if you all ever wondered what drives me, now you know and if your Faith has an impact on your life I would love for you to share it in the comments below. Writing how you feel does wonders for the mind, heart and soul.
Till next time.